A few years ago, at Light Bearers 2011 convocation, Ty Gibson presented a series of messages, one of which was about fragile, broken people. At the time it punched me really hard because I was particularly fragile and broken, and very few people knew it. I knew that my story needed to be told, but it was a hard story for me to tell, and I’d been putting it off for a very long time.
Ty’s message, however, prompted me to drive into town that very afternoon, get some pen and paper, and write my story down. I wrote it out over the rest of my convocation downtime, and even during some of the meetings. I couldn’t rest until it was all on paper.
Previously when I tried to write my story it was laced with self-pity, with an agenda to expose and denounce all the people who had treated my family and me abysmally. This was the first time that I put aside my agenda and let God guide me, and the result was that I could actually conclude the manuscript rather than leave it hanging almost before it started.
Then I put it aside, feeling like I could now safely ignore it because I got it out of my system, but it continued to nag at me and I continued to pull it out occasionally to revise and polish and add clarity. I knew that God was strongly convicting me to share it in some context, but prior to the publication of this blog, that’s only happened on an individual basis with people whom I trust implicitly, mostly for proofreading purposes. I am still uncomfortable to share openly and honestly with everyone. There are three people at my church (not counting my husband) who know something of my experience, and I’ve been attending there as an involved member going on six years now.
I have never spoken to Ty Gibson at convocation because I’m terribly timid and I know how much those guys have going on and all that, but I have always felt a strong connection with him because I get what he has to say, on more than just an intellectual level. The way he talks about God is the most beautiful picture of God I have ever heard, and it has blessed me more than I can say.
This is my background: I spent ten fearful years of my life (from age 7 to 17) in a bubble of a brand of religion that made me afraid to die lest I wake up in hell, afraid that there was some unconfessed sin that would keep me out of the kingdom, afraid of Jesus’ return because I was surely too wicked. Death was my worst nightmare.
I am now a Seventh-day Adventist. My journey to this faith began when I read Arthur Maxwell’s Your Bible and You. Not much of it sunk in right away except for one thing: death is a sleep. I did literally feel as though a black suffocating blanket was rolled off of my religious experience and the sweet relief and joy I felt from this new light, this new picture of God, was precious. It completely changed my walk with God from that point forward, although it would be another seven years before I actually became an Adventist.
I read my way into the Adventist church. I read Patriarchs and Prophets and it was as though the words were alive and burning. I had read the Bible all my life and I had never seen it like that. I read The Desire of Ages. I tried to read The Great Controversy several times, but I never got past the first page because it was as though I could not see the words. When God knew it was the right time for me to see them and my heart was ready, He opened my eyes and I have read it every year since then. It is my favourite book.
The purpose of this blog is to share my written story with you. In it I have refined it down to one thread: that of music. There is so much more I could add to the story, but I wanted to take the core of what I am—a musician—because through that I can have the most cohesive line of thought. I love to write and I’m an artist, but these pursuits have been developed in an effort to ignore the primary gift God gave me, and that was music.
I may someday expand the story to further angles of my life, because there is so much more that could be told, but in the meantime this page will suffice to give a little bit of a picture of who I am and where I am now. I hope you are blessed by what you read.